Ever wonder what really goes on in Congress? Yesterday Republican Billy Long broke into auctioneer patter. He was either selling cattle or that was the new tax code reform. I’m not sure which.

Did you hear about that plane from Dubai that got quarantined in New York because a bunch of passengers got sick? Turns out Vanilla Ice was on the plane.
I called it. I knew Vanilla Ice would somehow manage to set off the zombie apocalypse. I knew he’d be the end of us all. (Because that’s how most of those zombie plagues start. There’s a plane on a runway. Everybody is sick. Next thing you know: Zombies lead by Vanilla Ice.)

Sometimes seeing your ex can be awkward. But when your ex is a celeb and you’re a talk show host, sometimes your paths cross. Like yesterday, when Jimmy Kimmel had his ex Sarah Silverman on his show, and it got a little weird. Sarah said Jimmy’s wife had it easy because she get’s new “woke” Jimmy, and she had, “Man Show Jimmy”.
I liked Man Show Jimmy.

Thanks to Ellen, we found out that part of Mark Wahlberg finishes his work outs by spending three minutes in a cryo chamber that gets down to 150 degrees below zero. And Ellen asks what I think we’re all wondering. What about his privates. Mark says it, quote “Shrivel all up, but it goes back to normal.”
Ok Mark, you keep tellin’ yourself that.

Bonus Scoopage:
Nancy McKeon from “The Facts of Life” is doing the new season of “Dancing with the Stars”. Her partner will be Val Chmerkovskiy. There’s no word yet on the rest of the cast. That’s ok. I don’t need to know anything else. If Jo is on the show, I’ll probably be watching.