So the 88th Academy Awards were last night and I’ve got to be honest, I just didn’t care.  Ok, that’s not 100% true.  I cared, a very little bit.  But for only two reasons:  1) Is this the year that Leo finally wins an award? (which he did, by the way, so congrats to that.) and 2) This guy:

I think everyone wanted to see how Chris Rock approached the lack of diversity issue, and he didn’t dissappoint.

But after that… I just didn’t care.  Is that wrong of me?  I mean, of the 8 movies up for Best Picture, I saw one of them, Mad Max: Fury Road.  Granted, I would have seen The Martian, Bridge of Spies, and The Revenant, I just didn’t.  Things happen.

Besides, this beast is forever long.  I mean, forever.  It easily clocks in at over 3 hours, and has run as long as 3 and a half hours if not more.  I don’t have that kind of time.  There are very few things I enjoy that I want to do for 3 1/2 hours.  Almost any buffet?  Sure.  An award show?  No thanks.  What I actually cared about seeing took less than 15 minutes.  Chris Rock spent the first 11 minutes making fun of the lack of diversity and the resulting boycotting of the Oscars.  And I saw that online before the show was even over.  And then it took all of 15 seconds to announce Leo finally got his golden statue, which I didn’t even see because when you get up at 3am, you stop caring about those things around 10:30pm.  Two things.  That’s it.  So next year, barring any controversy, or bad blood, or a grudge match, I’ll zero reason to watch.

And in case you think I’m hating on the Oscars, I’m not.  Ok, I am a little, but not just the Oscars, it’s almost every award show.  They’re too long.  I know they’re trying to limit the acceptance speeches, but there’s just so much other stuff that gets in the way of getting to the point.  I know some of you dig the pageantry and spectacle of it all, and that’s fine if that’s your cup of tea, I just want all that stuff in a shorter time frame.

In an age when I can tell you the weather in Ireland in less than 5 seconds, asking me to sit through 3 1/2 hours of Oscars, or any award show, is just too much.  Besides, I can get the entire list of winners the next day in :30 seconds.

So Oscars, I’m begging you, change things up.  Film this on a Saturday, edit the daylights out of it, and give me a 30 minute Oscar Highlight special.