I’m not saying Patton Oswalt is getting sensitive about getting older, but, quote…
“I don’t mind turning 50, what I mind is turning 50 in 2019”.
And why is that such an issue now Patton.
“In 2019, you turn 50 and people are like, “You’re 50? Well get on your mountain bike ya’ silver fox, let’s get going!”
Being a guy in his 50’s, I get it. And no, I don’t have a mountain bike. What I do have is a really comfy couch. I’ll ride that for the weekend, thank you very much.

The Portland Trailblazers ran into an opponent that got the better of them… an elevator.
Yep, some of the guys were on their way to practice, and got stuck for 30 minutes in an elevator. But they seemed to make the best of it.
I’m not sure what “survival mode” means, but I think they may have eaten a point gaurd to survive.

So Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are like a storybook hollywood couple. But even they drop the ball once in a while. Like when Ashton bought Mila a pair of love birds for Valentine’s Day. Super sweet right? Yeah about that. According to Mila, they don’t have love birds, quote… “Instead we have parakeets. They’re called ‘bungies’?”
Yep. Parakeets. So Ashton went to Pet Smart, plunked down four bucks and told her they were love birds. That’s actually kind of a genius move.

Bonus Scooopage:
James Woods isn’t very happy right now. He went on a Twitter rant about . . . handshakes. Yep. Handshakes. Why? Well, I’ll let him explain.

Shaking hands is the most barbaric custom. It’s not as if we need to make sure the other guy isn’t hiding a broadsword. This isn’t the Middle Ages. The only thing handshakes accomplish is the enabling of epidemics and cold viruses.

— James Woods (@RealJamesWoods) February 26, 2019